I used to let the littlest things bother me for hours, sometimes days, others times years…
I remember one time, when I was on a work conference call and I gave my honest opinion on subject, and very quickly, colleague of mine yelled “You should NOT have said that!”
I was pissed, this one statement ruined my whole day. My mind kept replaying thoughts such as:
- “Why did he have to disrespect me like that in front of my peers?”
- “He should have taken the conversation offline where it was more appropriate”
- “I wish I could go back in time and change what I said”
As my mind kept reflecting on the situation, things kept getting worse. I flipped flopped from wanting to exact revenge to resenting the individual to fantasying about changing the past. As I look back now, the thoughts in my mind where 100% more destructive to me than that actual event itself.
I share this story because I know this happens to all of us. Maybe not in the exact same way, but all of us are human and as humans our minds tend to allow negative thoughts to quickly spiral out of control. In fact, we tend to feed our negative thoughts and give them more power over us.
In this situation, I felt that I was being disrespected. I felt that the statement was uncalled for. But I realize now the root issue was this: My ego was hurt.
Unfortunately, I allowed another person to take over control my emotions.
How many of you have had situations where one little thing ruined your entire day? Your mind just wouldn’t stop thinking about it no matter how much you wanted to let go.
As the negative thoughts continue, you start making up stories and even worse you begin thinking that the stories are true:
- “This person must not like me”
- “This person is out to get me”
- “This person is just a jerk”
Just imagine how much happier your life would be if you were able to stop these thoughts from occurring? Imagine what it would be like it you were able to put an imaginary shield around your mind to protect it from these thoughts that rob you of your mental energy and deplete your good mood.
Life would begin to look like this:
- “A guy just cut me off while driving” – He would have did it to anyone. It’s not worth my time to care.
- “Someone just said that I was fat” – I feel beautiful in the inside and I am happy with myself
- “She just ignored me” – That’s ok, she might have something urgent on her mind
- “I screwed up on my speech” – Oh well, it was a good learning experience for me.
- “I shouldn’t have ate that dessert” – Next time I will be better, but what is done is done. Forget it.
Life would become a joy to live because things that used to bother you now bounce right off of you.
So what can you do to become emotionally tougher?
Learn to LET GO of your problems
It’s really that easy. Just let go. Don’t let it bother you for another moment. Learn to forgive and forget. Choose to move on with your life rather than hang on to small and insignificant problems.
Think of it this way, we live in on a planet that is essentially a piece of rock that spins around in the circle in the middle of nowhere. We are also only here for a very short period of time. In the grand scheme of things, why would you want to continue to torture yourself by replaying a negative situation that happened in the past?
Just let go.
Deal with the issue in the kindest and most respectful way you can, but after you deal with it, be at peace with it.
When you replay thoughts in your mind, you are only hurting yourself. No good will come out of it.
Listen to your own thoughts as the “watcher”
We are getting a bit deep into the spiritual / meditation world but this really does work.
We all have a voice in our head. If you don’t believe, go to a place where it is quiet and start reading this blog. You should hear your voice read to you. Sometimes we are so busy we don’t realize that this voice speaks to us all day long. If you pay attention to what this voice has to say, many times it is very negative and judgmental.
Once you hear the voice in your mind, pay attention to it the next time you run into a situation that bothers you. Listen carefully to what the voice says. Allow the voice to speak. All you have to do is listen and watch.
As you listen in, the voice inside your head will begin to lose its power because you are just watching the thoughts and not engaging with them.
Just watch and listen patiently. It’s like watching a movie. Eventually the movie will end.
When something hurts you, relax hard
The moment something or someone hurts your feelings your body tenses up. It is our body’s natural defense mechanism for protecting ourselves.
Your job is to relax hard.
Take long and deep breathes. As you relax your muscles, your mind also begins to relax.
Once you are in a relaxed state, you will find that what was bothering you, doesn’t seem as bad anymore.
Forget the past, stop thinking about the future, focus on what is happening RIGHT NOW
In this present moment, there are no problems. All you are doing is reading my blog. Things that have happened to you are now in the past. You can’t go back in time to fix whatever is bothering you.
Forget it all.
Look around you. Look at what is right in front of you right now! Isn’t it amazing that what you are looking at right now actually exists? Pay attention to the details.
All that truly matters is this moment in time.
Problems and issues only exists because we allow them to. The world in itself is full of peace and joy. You just need to see it.
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